


Denial Isn't a River in Egypt

by IsisKitsune



Series: Twilight is for Sookers [53]
Category: Morbius: The Living Vampire, X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Dark Past, Heavy Angst, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-09 12:06:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18916666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IsisKitsune/pseuds/IsisKitsune
Summary: Morbie finally agreed to talk to somebody-He ain't happy about it but if it shuts his brain the hell up he's at the point of trying almost anything





	Denial Isn't a River in Egypt

Michael wasn't sure what strings Tony pulled to actually get him to not be called in, but here he was, “Hello Doctor Morbius.” He'd been hearing the soft whine of a motor since he'd gotten there, but when he saw the chair wheel in he realized the cause. “I'm Professor Charles Xavier.”

“I'm sorry to say this, but, I don't care for therapists, school kinda ruined that for me.”

“I've already been informed of your situation by Mr. Stark, you can speak openly with me.”

“How much have you been told? Tell me something he's told you that isn't public.” Michael tilted his head, a chill creeping up his spin, “What are you doing? I feel you,” he tapped the right side of his head, “here, like you're crawling around in my head. Stop that, I don't want you triggering it.”

“It?” Michael took a deep breath when the feeling stopped.

“It's, the bloodthirst, it's this haze I, I was in when I was younger, before Tony was able to fix it.”

“Instinct, it was a survival instinct.”

“No, it was- a monster.”

“I'm sorry for the intrusion, giving the... severity of your past I was ensuring you were stable enough to continue with therapy without-”

“Your body guard?” Michael smiled, head tilting back to the man on the other side of the door. “He has a very... unique sound.”

“I'm alright Logan,” Michael heard the man shift away from the door but not very far, “He worries.”

“I wouldn't count him as a friend if he didn't. You're across from a murderer after all.”

“A murderer is one that understands their actions.”

“Was in full understanding that I killed people.”

“You were starving, people died as consequence of blood loss, that's not the same.”

“I actively hunted them...”

“Guilt tells me you're human. And the fact that you've done nothing except help people since recovering from your affliction tells me you're a good person.”

“It's still there, I still have this, genetic disorder that's currently in an unknown semi-stable state that is caused by cross-species mutation. I'm afraid of what would happen if one mutation does something, slacks on its roll in my stability or strengthens in a way that will tip the scales.”

“That- that is an ongoing fear of yours, loss of balance/stability.”

“Can you blame me? We still haven't tested what happens if I get injured beyond simple bruising.”

“No, no one can, is what I'm trying to get across. For all you Had done, it was all for survival. Now, you show how human you are and were even while trying to survive No matter what your past holds, no matter what other genetics might be involved, you are Human, and I've honestly not seen any thing that would be counted toward an unstable individual.”

Michael snorted, “I'm good at what I do- I think it's something I got from my dad actually, I can just, prioritize. If it doesn't involve the priority it might as well not exist.”

“You are good at your job, I will admit. And being able to prioritize is a good skill to have as a doctor. But there is a point where everything builds until the dame bursts.”

“Yeah, been dealing with cracks. Claire is an angel but I need to just... rant or something and get over this- repressed bullshit, before I end up risking people's lives.”

“Might I, take a peek?” Michael blinked, then felt like something tapped under his skull, “It might help on where to get started, you seem to be... prioritizing calm at the moment. It's not progressive to helping with the session.”

“It's my default, unfortunately.”

“Perhaps we can help that. I will stay out of your head, provided you speak openly. I do have some questions that will need to be answered to help you move forward.”

“Just, stay out of my head, I- I can't risk it waking up again.”

“Alright, so, let's see, where to begin.”

“Usually it's 'what's bothering you'...”

“We already know what's bothering you. You're, well, more annoyed than anything by it but, repressed memories keep surfacing, you've been having some troubles with pulling yourself out of the... episodes brought on by them.”

“I don't really dream... haven't in a long time, I'm just usually 'seeing' the world in a different way as it moves around me or I'm seeing the past. Memories, but I can't tell if they're all real or it's my brain torturing me. When I wake up, I have to pull myself back from it, breathe and realize what's real and what's here and now.”

“This is where I'd offer to take a look to help you differentiate.”

“No, I don't need to, I know they're real, it's... the hope that they're exaggerated that gets to me.”

“What's the oldest memory you have? Before, all of this.”

“Sitting on the floor, tapping- tapping the helmet of an army man. It wasn't one of those little plastic ones, it was metal with a dark camo green paint. I was sitting in front of dad's lab table, at the Penthouse. He was working on something, I, I can't even remember how old I was I just remember my pudgy little fingers reaching to grab them. I don't think I was able to walk well then.”

“Is there any part of that memory that would cause it to stick in your mind, even after all this time?”

Michael shook his head, “There's plenty that sticks out Now, but then no. It's, I just remember tapping the army man, then reaching to pick it up. I, I can't even remember if dad was talking to himself like he did a lot or the sound of the machines beeping like they always did or anything.”

“What sticks out now, remembering it?”

“The quiet, the fact that a child was on the floor alone in a lab, the metal army men and even the paint all raises flags. Didn't they make lead toys? They were obviously from previous generations.”

“You look like you're distant, searching something in the memory, I'm staying out of your mind as per your wishes.”

“I was facing where my room was supposed to be.”

Michael's eyes were hazed, his mind so deep into that little scene playing in his head he wasn't sitting in front of the man talking to him but on that floor eyes tipped toward the archway leading into the area his room would be. “Michael,” he jerked when his shoulder was grabbed, spinning toward the touch as his father's angry face faded, leaving him panting and pulling away, “I'm sorry, you, seemed to have been in a state of self hypnosis. I couldn't reach you.”

“There was a woman in my room. There was a woman standing in my room... it wasn't my room then, it was part of the lab.” Michael sighed, taking a calming breath, “My dad worked alone, he- he never had a partner, not one I remembered.”

“Perhaps a nanny? He was a well known doctor after all.”

“Then why was that one moment so fucking important?”

“Perhaps it's what occurred before it that caused you brain to memorize it, or even- you mentioned the lack of sound, perhaps your mind still isn't ready to allow you access to that part of the memory.”

“Yeah,” Michael grumbled, “It's probably lost forever then, dad was always mumbling to himself when he was working. Doubt I'd have understood it enough to actually catalog dialogue.”

“Do you remember when it became your room?”

Michael sat back, shrugging, “I just, dad always wanted me to stay in my room. I can't really remember when it became my room. I think he was afraid... after-”

“After the mutation?”

“No, he... I,” Michael took a breath, “I rushed into the lab once, I'd been excited because I'd just met my best friend, Peter. I was use to dad's work so everything was... clinical to me. Chemicals were 'dangerous' unless dad said otherwise, glass was never to be touched or moved unless dad said- everything was, clinical. Well I rushed in to tell dad I'd made a friend, he was... he was dissecting a cat, he did that sometimes, testing treatments for me. Things, the hospital wouldn't try. I didn't even react. Dad was working, he, did that sometimes, I was use to it.”

“So he isolated you because of your lack of response?”

“Sociopath marker isn't it? Seeing a creature like that so young, spread out and not feel a thing about it?”

“As you said, you were brought up in a household that that was the norm. Your father was working, that was part of his work.”

“Tried cat once,” Michael admitted as he shrugged, “I was feeling the thirst starting, but I wasn't in the haze yet. Didn't help... Dad had tried animals before, rats mainly, trying to see if any of it helped. I thought, hoped, a larger creature could. All of them made me sick. Now matter if I was thirsty or not.”

“You're distancing.”

“Yeah, I didn't know any of them, all strays from what I remember, most starving. I'm glad we didn't have any pets in the Penthouse.”

“What about now?”

Michael smirked, “I'm working 24 hours a day, I had to pay one of my fellow doctors to pick up his fucking phone if the hospital called just to be here, there's no fucking way we'd be able to have an animal in the house. No one would be there to care for it.”

“Would you?”

“I'm busy dealing with my own shit, why would I wanna put another soul into this mess?”

“Because sometimes it helps you emotionally.”

“I have a literal craving for raw meat, there's no way I'm bringing an animal into my home, and risk some.... sudden realization that I just ate rover because I was hungry while zoning out and ran outa food.”

That got a chuckle, “And that's why I know it would be a good idea to have a companion, it will help draw you out of this worry because you are in fact worried for the sake of a hypothetical animal over its safety.”

“No,” Michael shook his head, “No animals. I'm already responsible for more than enough lives with the ER.”

“Perhaps a break from work would be a good thing.”

Michael laughed, “I step away they're down to 2 doctors and 1 of those is a float... been there, won't be the one responsible for that happening.”

“The ER is what's holding you together, isn't it?”

Michael smirked, “Idle hands,” he shrugged, “It's busy work, helpful busy work.”

“What do you do on your days off?”

Michael blinked, “Sleep mostly, catching up for being deprived and spend time with my fiance and our roommate if our schedules sync.”

“When's the last time you went out without a task in mind?”

“Does it count when my partner drags me to a task he has in mind?”

“No, sadly it doesn't.”

“Fresh air is your suggestion?”

“More, relaxation, but yes, it might help calm everything and pull you away from this... semi-permanent state of 'working' mindset you seem to have.” Michael shrugged at that, rubbing his eyes. “I would also suggest running some tests, controlled of course but, a lot of your loss of control fear stems from the fact that you've never once been in control, even now you're so fearful of losing that control, you're not in control. You... compartmentalize everything, task after task, and the biggest reason is, because of the way your physical condition had torn away your humanity in times of hunger. At such a young age, once you had the ability of conscious thought, you didn't know what to do with it, so you use tasks to help.”

“I gotta admit, I'm not very comfortable with that thought. Testing.”

“We are able to offer proper containment should you fear any feral behavior, and Tony has already told us the procedure should it come to that.”

“We, I... we can't risk what will happen, we do Anything to trigger my hunger I might never come back from it. Right now I'm stable. I can't take transfusions, and with the way I'm stable I don't know if... if I'll ever get back to this point if we tax it.”

“You're rocking,” Michael nodded, “That's your show of being overwhelmed.”

“Yeah, because I know what'll happened if the balance is shifted, and I gotta say, for the first time... I'm happy being alive, I'm happy Parker didn't take the hints I was giving to just kill me, I'm happy Jarvis didn't just terminate the threat. I actually want to be alive, and I know what the option is if I go back to being that monster again.” Michael flinched when he wiped his eye and saw red tinged tears, “I, this whole time, I didn't care... live, die; I just wanted to do whatever I could while I was still here, now- now I'm scared to death of giving them any reason to kill me.” Michael winced when he felt the chill, “Professor, have you ever heard of the Multi-verse?” The chill instantly faded, as he nodded, “What exactly do you do with the fact that for every other one, you're just a monster? And this might be the only 'good' life you'd ever get? What do you do when you see the man that, in your verse, is your soon to be husband, wanting to kill you?”

“You're not him.”

“10 years, 10 fucking years! That's the only goddamn difference between them and us! That one event threw everything into a spiral of- How is that me? I can't, I can't let that be me. I won't, I won't willingly do anything to make that into me. That's why I can't risk testing, because I've seen the results. I got my miracle. I just need my fucking brain to stop with these dead zone freak outs and half true memories.”

“I... highly suggest time off.” Michael gave a whine of laughter, “I'm not making a suggestion, you need time. Have you ever relaxed, taken a trip, well other than the one mentioned,” Michael snorted and shook his head, “You need rest and relaxation, you are at the point that that's the only option there is. Stress is making this worse on you. You never had time to recover, you have done nothing but push yourself. School, work, more school, more work... Have you ever had more than a day off in years?”

Michael snickered, “Does the, uh, dimensional trip count?”

“No, that was a working vacation apparently.”

Michael sniffled and shook his head, “I... I think the last time I had off I was forced to, back in high school.”

“You need time, your brain needs time. And once it can get that time to process, at that point, we can discuss further treatments.”

“So, you're prescribing me time off?”

“I'm mandating it at this point.”

“Yeah, let me know how that works out, I'm not leaving the ER understaffed. I'm not a monster, remember?”

“You most certainly are not, Dr. Morbius. Perhaps I can make a few calls, help alleviate the workload for them to schedule you some time off.”

“Good luck with that. Jarvis, what time is it?” Michael grumbled, sighing at the time called out, “If you'll excuse me, I need to get a shower before my shift. Thanks for your time Professor.” He turned to wave toward the door, “Bye Logan, he's all yours.”

“Michael, I'm serious about the time off.”

“I know, and I'm serious about not leaving my team anymore understaffed than they already are.” He flicked the window open and took off, “Jarvis, no more appointments, remind Tony when he brings it up, I'm already going to be late because of this.”

“As you wish, sir.”

 

 


End file.
